Toyota plans to plow through with its incentive plan. A Kia spokesman is unceremoniously socked after compromising videos surface online. Ford reveals plans for an all-new five-seater that will cost billions to produce. All that and more, plus Ed Whitacre announces more management turnover at GM.
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Yes, it’s practically Toyota day at the AsMart today. This time, the crack is coming from Rich Christensen, Pinks’ notorious flag-dropper. In poor taste, dude, never the AE86…
“It’s really f*cking simple, get your head out of your ass, stop thinking about saving the f*cking trees, stop thinking about the f*cking whales and the dolphins, and drive your g*ddamn car and use some common sense so you don’t hurt yourself, your family, or other innocent people because you’re so f*cking stupid to realize how to drive a f*cking car.”
We don’t need anymore “Thank You” and/or “We’re Working on it” promos, Toyota, we need to be yelled at because we’re so “f*cking stupid to realize how to drive a f*cking car.”
15
Feb
8:00 am
8:00 am
“It Was Mike Helton, Ever Since He Grew A Mustache Like Mine He’s Been On My Case!”
Category: wtfYet another spin on a classic, your fuhrer gets banned from “complete BS” NASCAR this time around.
I guess you’ll just have to find another event who’s infield you can park your RV in, Grofaz. Can’t be on the grandstands drinking a fine German beer, so maybe he’ll settle for cable [or HD] to see that Impala SS, crazy Toyota wing, and that “hot babe” Danica Patrick. Boogity Freakin’ Boogity.
14
Feb
9:00 am
9:00 am
“However, Honda Does Make Something That We Just Can’t Compete With.”
Category: ToyotaWhat does Toyota’s “unintended acceleration” recall look like translated into lawn mower? One wickedly funny viral video.
Valentine’s Day may only come once a year, but the editors of Kelley Blue Book seem to make their way to the novelty stores and purchase bouquets of red roses and heart-shaped boxes of the sweetest chocolate confections as they enter the air-conditioned halls of auto shows every few months all across the country [And the world]. And along the way, the Kelley is enamored by the sumptuous front fascias, amorous shifter knobs, voluptuous curves, flirtacious sounds and titillating brains that each production and concept vehicle has to offer. In honour of Valentine’s Day, the editors of Kelley Blue Book have chosen their Ten Newest Car Crushes [Or rather, the cars they'd like to kiss on the front doorstep at the end of a first date].
The team has assembled ten of the most unforgettable examples on wheels that they “Cannot wait to see and drive again, cars that would make even Cupid blush,” according to KBB’s executive editorial director and executive market analyst, Jack Nerad. Elaborating their choices in detail…
BMW Vision EfficientDynamics “Hippy with tattoos and piercings.”
Cadillac CTS-V Coupe “Sexy physique.”
Chevrolet Aveo RS “Romantic comedy cliché that fills our hearts with lusty desire.”
GMC Granite “Boldly styled alternative.”
Lexus LF-A “Photogenic, recognizable and head-turning.”
Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG “The return of an old flame.”
MINI Beachcomber “Walks it’s fun-loving talk, capable of whisking you to more secluded romantic destinations.”
Porsche Boxster Spyder “Enamoring purist.”
Toyota FT-86 “Beguiling package that we cannot wait to get to know better.”
And what about you dear lusty reader? Which car would you like to take on a second date?
Heel-toe, double-clutching, drifting, E-brake turning, all simulated by the scruff of an imaginative bloke’s vocal chords and a swift left hand. Prepare to chortle uncontrollably as if you’ve just seen a group of women doing a electric car dance routine.
Mnemonic devices help, but any slim excuse to make a rap song, right homie? And remember to “hit the brake, put in neutral,” it’ll save your life [Though i'm not sure you deserve to live if you need Lil Wayne to remind you of that].
As Toyota recall season goes into full-swing Yes folks, I am now deeming this to be a season, dealers are finding more and more ways to pamper their disgruntled customers. Free maintenance? Complementary fuel? Hugs? Nope, they accelerated to the personal grooming route [No pun intended]. The general managers of an Amityville, NY Toyota dealer have concocted a comical creative perk for their victims customers by offering… Yes, manicures. Free ones. Magazines? Recalled Toyota owners will sit down as a person [Asian I presume, "I do your nail fo fi dolla!"] files away their sorrows [Similar to how a Toyota service agent files their pedals]. The ladies of Long Island took advantage of this [Hopefully one-time] offer and took their uncontrollable Camries, Priora, etc. to the glamorous Toyota dealer and enjoyed their hand treatments [And apparently, three men].
And it doesn’t stop at manicures either! This pampering extends to free movie passes, anything to keep patrons occupied as their vehicles get shimmed. Although your ‘Yota dealer does recommend you make reservations ahead of time [Just like a real mani], the treatment stations… err… service bays… are booked solid as it is.
Let’s all hope this recall doesn’t get to a point where people will pull their fingernails off, they just had them did.
A man claiming to have been burdened by Toyota’s pedals We haven’t heard that one before is receiving a brand new Hyundai Sonata [Worth approximately $21,000], “no strings attached,” from a New Jersey dealership. Kevin Haggerty made headlines last week when he demonstrated to his ‘yota service center how he shifted his vehicle into neutral after having been involved in an infamous unintended acceleration incident late last year, and specifically showed the dealer the dilemma [And how to fix it, supposedly]. Toyota correspondingly amended the error by replacing the pedal at fault [Hopefully using the correct and up-to-date parts Toyota is now issuing]. The aforesaid Hyundai dealer is rewarding Haggerty to claim PR victory and take advantage of the gloomy situation for his efforts on “bringing safety into the community.” Good for you Kev, big fat prize for something oh so simple! In the meantime, he will be holding onto the Avalon until Toyota comes up with a proper fix to the vehicle, but he quotes “We’ll tell ‘em to take it to the crusher!” if no viable solution comes from the aching car manufacturer.
Oh, did I mention that the Hyundai agents are donating $50 to the fire department Haggerty volunteers at? Such good lads.
Despite the dismal declines of 2009 Not you, Subaru, Kelley had a pretty busy year with her little blue book racking up more names than she can handle. Furthermore, in spite of those said declines, KBB.com has received nothing but inclines on their page visitation views [180 Million of them in 2009, that's a lot of papercuts] on their award-winning encyclautopedia. With the year coming to a screeching halt from it’s ceramic composite brakes, the company has announced their Top 20 Most-Researched Vehicles of the Year, as well as the 5 Carmakers with the Top market Share for 2009.
Were any of these choices on your new car shopping list? Or did such a list even exist? When it does, that blue book is the perfect starting-off point.
Yes, call 911, by all means… But if you’re currently in the process of plummeting to your excruciating death, best to take action by using body parts other than your dialing finger. In reponse to Toyota Motor Company the very many incidents in our highways, Consumer Reports has released a layman’s guide tutorial on how not to plummet to your excruciating death. Or… you could use your ocular apparatus to figure out the part of your transmission where it says “N.”
