Another year, another fleet of superfluously-wrapped hypercars gallivanting through 3,000 miles of raves, martinis and awful fashion. Watch the convoy leave London’s Pall Mall en route to New York.
We’ll go with the latter…
Heads up folks, Mother’s Day is around the Mother F’ing corner. Have you made your Mother cry today?
Lapping the Nurburgring’s infamous Nordschleife circuit in less than nine minutes is downright impressive, no matter what way you look at it. The SLS AMG’s gravity-blistering 7:40? Worthy of a smurky head-nod. Here’s the famed 50’s throwback getting another taste of the “Green”-ish hues of the ring’s seventy-three “Hell”-like turns this afternoon, in the process hoping it’s gullwing doors won’t pop open ’round it’s G-defying bends. Enjoy, sir.
The Formula One Season is but upon us [25 days comrades, tifosi]. Although the Schuey’s scuder… err… team might need a bit more practice before those five red lights disappear from the overhead.
Valentine’s Day may only come once a year, but the editors of Kelley Blue Book seem to make their way to the novelty stores and purchase bouquets of red roses and heart-shaped boxes of the sweetest chocolate confections as they enter the air-conditioned halls of auto shows every few months all across the country [And the world]. And along the way, the Kelley is enamored by the sumptuous front fascias, amorous shifter knobs, voluptuous curves, flirtacious sounds and titillating brains that each production and concept vehicle has to offer. In honour of Valentine’s Day, the editors of Kelley Blue Book have chosen their Ten Newest Car Crushes [Or rather, the cars they'd like to kiss on the front doorstep at the end of a first date].
The team has assembled ten of the most unforgettable examples on wheels that they “Cannot wait to see and drive again, cars that would make even Cupid blush,” according to KBB’s executive editorial director and executive market analyst, Jack Nerad. Elaborating their choices in detail…
BMW Vision EfficientDynamics “Hippy with tattoos and piercings.”
Cadillac CTS-V Coupe “Sexy physique.”
Chevrolet Aveo RS “Romantic comedy cliché that fills our hearts with lusty desire.”
GMC Granite “Boldly styled alternative.”
Lexus LF-A “Photogenic, recognizable and head-turning.”
Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG “The return of an old flame.”
MINI Beachcomber “Walks it’s fun-loving talk, capable of whisking you to more secluded romantic destinations.”
Porsche Boxster Spyder “Enamoring purist.”
Toyota FT-86 “Beguiling package that we cannot wait to get to know better.”
And what about you dear lusty reader? Which car would you like to take on a second date?
BMW takes pride in what they do, how they do it, and what they accomplish. - The same spirit cannot be translated in their humbleness [For a good three minutes and fifty-one seconds, anyway]. A quick lesson on how to mutilate other luxury emblems with a felt-tip permanent marker: Slot them atop a reclining barcalounger to insinuate their desolate insipidity. Place them on a scale of justice to italicize the laws of perfect weight-distribution, preferably with an anvil on the bonnet and a kitchen sink on the boot. Breaking the fahrvergnügen credibility by disconnecting the four rings. Composing a doleful feline. Embedding them onto an opponent’s overpriced bill, complete with a halo above one of their own.
All of which accent the German car marque’s number one priority: “Building Machines For Driving Enjoyment.” Overlooking the whole “Canines can do mathematical equations” and “More shoe and pizza” quotient, BMW certainly defines the propeller emblem with the words “Dynamic,” “Innovative,” and “Independent.”
People want it down, canines want it up. Mercedes-Benz’ newest innovation seems to discriminate against the household pet community, they’re just not feelin’ it [the air, that is]. If Buster could speak, he’d tell you to keep the system off and the button cover closed. Thanks.
Another group of mammals the Mercedes-Benz AirCap system wasn’t made for: Women who pay $150 for a haircut.
Looks like a cool 50k people pre-ordered the new 2010 Mercedes-Benz E-Klasse prior to its launch last month. Will this generation beat the last generations sales of 1.5 million units? only time will tell…
