Let’s face it, McCartney’s new stuff is about as interesting as his Signature Series Lexus, in fact, “Chaos and Creation In the Backyard” can only be described as a hot mess [Sans leather, of course]. Attempting to carry a tune in the background of the Lexus RX400h TV spot is the acceptably melodic “Fine Line” from the former Wings Beatles singer-songwriter. Turn up the sound, it’ll make you… Paint your car’s profile with a giant ugly f*cking graphic?
…actually, sir, that’s the anti-theft system doing what it’s supposed to do [That, or Lexus' Intelligent Parking Assist is doing what it isn't]. And to address your next video in advance, “Oh my God! There’s a trap in my car that locks the wheels when I pull it!”, shhh, you found the parking brake.
Valentine’s Day may only come once a year, but the editors of Kelley Blue Book seem to make their way to the novelty stores and purchase bouquets of red roses and heart-shaped boxes of the sweetest chocolate confections as they enter the air-conditioned halls of auto shows every few months all across the country [And the world]. And along the way, the Kelley is enamored by the sumptuous front fascias, amorous shifter knobs, voluptuous curves, flirtacious sounds and titillating brains that each production and concept vehicle has to offer. In honour of Valentine’s Day, the editors of Kelley Blue Book have chosen their Ten Newest Car Crushes [Or rather, the cars they'd like to kiss on the front doorstep at the end of a first date].
The team has assembled ten of the most unforgettable examples on wheels that they “Cannot wait to see and drive again, cars that would make even Cupid blush,” according to KBB’s executive editorial director and executive market analyst, Jack Nerad. Elaborating their choices in detail…
BMW Vision EfficientDynamics “Hippy with tattoos and piercings.”
Cadillac CTS-V Coupe “Sexy physique.”
Chevrolet Aveo RS “Romantic comedy cliché that fills our hearts with lusty desire.”
GMC Granite “Boldly styled alternative.”
Lexus LF-A “Photogenic, recognizable and head-turning.”
Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG “The return of an old flame.”
MINI Beachcomber “Walks it’s fun-loving talk, capable of whisking you to more secluded romantic destinations.”
Porsche Boxster Spyder “Enamoring purist.”
Toyota FT-86 “Beguiling package that we cannot wait to get to know better.”
And what about you dear lusty reader? Which car would you like to take on a second date?
BMW takes pride in what they do, how they do it, and what they accomplish. - The same spirit cannot be translated in their humbleness [For a good three minutes and fifty-one seconds, anyway]. A quick lesson on how to mutilate other luxury emblems with a felt-tip permanent marker: Slot them atop a reclining barcalounger to insinuate their desolate insipidity. Place them on a scale of justice to italicize the laws of perfect weight-distribution, preferably with an anvil on the bonnet and a kitchen sink on the boot. Breaking the fahrvergnügen credibility by disconnecting the four rings. Composing a doleful feline. Embedding them onto an opponent’s overpriced bill, complete with a halo above one of their own.
All of which accent the German car marque’s number one priority: “Building Machines For Driving Enjoyment.” Overlooking the whole “Canines can do mathematical equations” and “More shoe and pizza” quotient, BMW certainly defines the propeller emblem with the words “Dynamic,” “Innovative,” and “Independent.”
Evil man holes and excavators stand no chance to a woman and two kiddies en route to soccer practice [Good job utilizing that cliché by the by]. But i’m almost positively sure Bruce Wayne would have a hissy fit if he had to pilot one of these around Gotham.
I am, however, very positive that no rescue would come from a “Lexus Sign.”
Despite the dismal declines of 2009 Not you, Subaru, Kelley had a pretty busy year with her little blue book racking up more names than she can handle. Furthermore, in spite of those said declines, KBB.com has received nothing but inclines on their page visitation views [180 Million of them in 2009, that's a lot of papercuts] on their award-winning encyclautopedia. With the year coming to a screeching halt from it’s ceramic composite brakes, the company has announced their Top 20 Most-Researched Vehicles of the Year, as well as the 5 Carmakers with the Top market Share for 2009.
Were any of these choices on your new car shopping list? Or did such a list even exist? When it does, that blue book is the perfect starting-off point.
It is how you perceive it. Existing car accident resulting from a DUI. Then a third vehicle with an operator also under the influence shunts one of the cars from the initial collision [The Lexus was unoccupied during the impact]. The Los Angeles police department would have a very enthusiastic “Hooah!” if all of these imbeciles were magnetized to each other as such We all know how much they hate to work.
Despite speculation that Toyota’s infamous Death-by-mat incident was caused by reasons other than the aforementioned to death cause [unintended acceleration, for one], the conglomerate has issued a statement declaring that they did f*ck up and that the floormats, and the floormats alone are to blame. Endearing, yes. Lets beat the subject a few more times? We should [it's great entertainment]. Will need 20 years to recover from this, just like Audi and their triumph over 60 Minutes? No… Chances are a Saturn will self-combust next week when an owner uses his lumbar support switch and we’ll have a new donkey to pin our tail onto. For now, check your mail ToMoCo product owners, a love letter awaits.
Oh, and ‘Yota… assertions alone don’t put a heavy-duty band aid on it, release some data to support your claims [or at least wait for the NHTSA's final word].
…or you may see fireworks [the expensive kind]
The strobe lights and vociferous tunes may be “tight,” but the lug nuts on this Hot-Import-Nights-Lexus-Whatever monstrosity are not. Hey, according to Toyota, if all fails - hold down the power button.
The XG300 was a lame-brain effort by Hyundai to enter the near-luxury market, the brakes were shot, the interior might as well have been a transplant from a Trabant & the engine was as weak as the current NBC primetime lineup… But I guess if the XG didnt make its mark, we wouldnt have gotten the Genesis. Now Hyundai is aiming higher with a Lexus-like luxury sub-brand. Now these rumors have been circulating for a while now & only now has it become relatively solid.
So what does all this mean? Well for one thing it secures the companys plans to bring the Equus states-side. Does it mean it will steal sales from the flagship LS460? Sure… Does it mean itll be better than it? Umm… not just yet (emphasis on the word yet). Only time will tell I guess…
