14
May
12:00 pm
12:00 pm
“For $5 More, We Can Add An Undercarriage Wash, Protective Clearcoat, And A Clean Conscience.”
Category: Audi
Here we go again Mr. Sutcliffe, driving the most astonishing cars in the most astonishing of routes. ‘Round the hills of southern Spain and the almost accurate Eau Rouge replica in Klaas Zwart’s very own private Ascari track, Audi’s new demon of an RS 5 resembles a fire-breathing dragon in it’s lair. But unlike scary looking dragons, the scare factor of the RS 5’s ascot-classy proclivity is about as gentle as baby shampoo [Sorry Mr. Sutcliffe, you're welcome Johnson & Johnson]. I wouldn’t exactly give it the heave-ho my automotive lair - However: The cost, standard Audi steering feel fair, and lack of a proper shift-yourself gearbox [Don't give a tiny rat's ass how good the DSG is], i’ll stick with my Roundel-badged M-car. Though that sound just kills me…
Sorry Steve, you give it a nine, the scorecard i’m holding up says six.
Well hello there…
We’ll go with the latter…
Heads up folks, Mother’s Day is around the Mother F’ing corner. Have you made your Mother cry today?
All’s calm and quiet on the ’schleife front today, with ABT Motorsports taking up most of the rainy track’s attention. What are these kids up to with their oodles of tyres and sea of tents? One very coddled R8 competition model of some sort, or a shiny new all-electric proto. Whichever, i’d like to see it’s four rings carve *the* ring. Shame I didn’t witness it exit the warm and dry comforts of it’s transporter…
I reiterate: I am Rain Man when it comes to pressing the refresh button on the Nurburgring webcam. Well, folks, the famed 3.2 mile circuit is now open for public carving [As of yesterday]. What does this mean? More time spent in front of my Mac. More use for my index finger. More spottings shared with you kind viewers!
This will be a daily series from yours truly, enjoy [Or Geniessen, if you prefer].
In typical German fashion, a designer [Audi AG's Senior Designer Achim Badstubner, in this case] elaborates every line of a vehicle [The A7 Sportback Study, in this case] in meticulous detail. No line is spared, from the wheel-supported column to the sill-to-bumper expression, it’s all been painstakingly thought of by people who haven’t seen sunlight in the duration of the vehicle’s design process. The outcome, however, is as gorgeous as Herr Badstubner’s golden Fabio-esque hair. Will Audi sell 5,000 of these a year?
I never really have embraced the Audi A1 as a competent Cooper-Killer as of yet. Still too bulbous, still too avant-garde [And not in a pleasant Audi Avant sort of manner]. This amateur snap from Barcelona rotates the spigot on that perception, showing it’s much more fluid side [Especially from this rear 3/4 view]. Either this proves that vehicles truly do look more inviting under natural lighting and that press photographs aren’t the paradigm of accuracy, or that Audi’s little runabout has many faces [Be it bulbous or inviting].
In honour of Audi’s monstrum coming to North America [Oh, and the Winter Olympics], I bring you Topgear’s RS 6 Avant segment, where one Richard Hammond tries to outdo a pair of skis. Enjoy the sounds of the all-aluminum alloy V10 and the scenery of the French Alps that are just as white as Hammond’s teeth. Ehrfürchtig.
BMW takes pride in what they do, how they do it, and what they accomplish. - The same spirit cannot be translated in their humbleness [For a good three minutes and fifty-one seconds, anyway]. A quick lesson on how to mutilate other luxury emblems with a felt-tip permanent marker: Slot them atop a reclining barcalounger to insinuate their desolate insipidity. Place them on a scale of justice to italicize the laws of perfect weight-distribution, preferably with an anvil on the bonnet and a kitchen sink on the boot. Breaking the fahrvergnügen credibility by disconnecting the four rings. Composing a doleful feline. Embedding them onto an opponent’s overpriced bill, complete with a halo above one of their own.
All of which accent the German car marque’s number one priority: “Building Machines For Driving Enjoyment.” Overlooking the whole “Canines can do mathematical equations” and “More shoe and pizza” quotient, BMW certainly defines the propeller emblem with the words “Dynamic,” “Innovative,” and “Independent.”
This year’s North American International Auto Show claims to be just as titillating as any of yesteryear’s. And in a plot-twisting-morbid-smoke-inducing manner, yes, it certainly was. Audi needn’t any Volt dancers and/or creepy, augmented hamsters to bring in the traffic on their white floors; just some old-fashioned pyrotechnics. Although inadvertent [And rather vague, we still do not have any clear details as to what started the blaze], the four-rings did claim show attention. These blokes seem to know that a story is worth a walk [And a plug on Channel 7]. Clearly, an evacuation message on the public announcement system and a Snoop Dogg-mound of smoke don’t fend anyone off, they just simply go on with their show business.
Let’s do it again tomorrow? [Don't forget your hand stamp]
How do you build a brand new uber-saloon? You take your benchmark compact & stretch out the sketch paper. Suddenly the usage of the quote “We have created a new art” doesn’t seem so revolutionary. We ain’t buyin’ it Audi, the term, that is, the car, we just might. The A8, despite the cohesion of design from it’s family tree, have always been a classy, dynamic affair that ages like a fine wine unlike it’s other rivals vying for the same spot on that top-marques podium. And the given video shows just that, one beautiful jar of Löwensenf. However, we’ll probably use that word “classy” over “new,” it’s more fitting don’t you think?
Or we’ll just use “dynamicism” again, since you guys like it. A lot. We ain’t buyin’ it Audi
Perhaps a quad-track system would be more appropriate for this scenario?
Belgium. A man named Poling Huang. Both responsible for this conceptual device that probably leaves LED treads on the surface of your skin. Dubbed the “Audi Traveling Shaver” [I guess the name isn't based on the R8], it’s designed for the Ingolstadt-minded crosstourer in need of a compact-sized [about the same proportions as a Motorola V3] facial hair groomer. It’s also mirror-finished to make it that much more difficult for you to double task and includes a retractable head [Which also utilizes Google Earth much like the new A8's retractable navigation].
For now, this remains a pigment of an out-of-work designer’s imagination, so no details on pricing [Which will be around the A1's base price, once both articles reach production].
Hopefully it won’t suffer the same unintended acceleration quandaries the company did back in the 90’s.
